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How to talk to an ex

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By: Samantha Dewitt. Medically Reviewed By: Denise Doster. People come into and out of our lives all of the time. Have you ever wondered why it's so much harder to talk to an ex after a breakup than any other relationship that you've decided to end? You keep telling yourself there's a reason it's over and that you're happy with your decision.

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If there's one thing pretty much everyone can agree on, it's that breakups suck.

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Having a long-term relationship come to an end is a painful, emotional, and often confusing experience for both partners — even the one ending things. Humans are wired for connection; heartbreak can cause us to isolate or later hold back in future relationships.

These are the best tips for mending things with an old ex

Healing helps us to stay connected. Obviously, there are some instances in which you shouldn't reach back out to an ex — if the relationship was toxic or abusivefor example — but if you feel comfortable re-opening that door and want to clear the air with someone, here are five expert tips for mending things with an ex. Whether you broke up six months or six years ago, reaching back out to an ex can be nerve-wracking. But before you hit send on that casual-cool "how you been?

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Is it because you owe them an apology? Or are you reaching out in the hopes of rekindling the romance?

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Every relationship and every breakup is different, and everyone handles breakups in their own way. So if you're reaching back out to an ex, even if things ended somewhat amicably, you should never feel entitled to a response from them.

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If you want to attempt to close the relationship together, reach out and keep the request as general and as pleasant sounding as possible. If your ex does agree to talk, Boodram says the best course of action is to start the conversation with an open-ended question, like "I'd love to hear what happened between us from your perspective?

If you can, apologize for something they were hurt about — then go into your side of the story and hope they offer you the same things you just gave them.

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A major part of being an emotionally mature adult — and healthy romantic partner, too — is learning to take ability for your actions and own up to your mistakes. Even if your ex screwed up again, this doesn't pertain to toxic or abusive relationshipsyou should also be willing to acknowledge what — if any — part you had in the breakup. Stay away from talking about debatable factors: feelings, tones, perceived intentions, assumptions, etc.

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With months or even years of history behind you and your ex, it can be difficult to have a productive post-breakup conversation. One tip that will help you prevent your convo from spiraling into an argument? Focus less on specific incidents in your relationship, and more on aspects related to character.

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While there's always the chance that meeting with an ex will have disastrousthere's also the possibility that reconnecting with an ex and confronting those old feelings will make you realize you want to give things another shot. It's OK to want to rekindle things with an ex — hey, people do it all the time — but the one rule is to always proceed with caution.

When you reach out the them, be very specific about what changes you have made during the breakup and that you would like to explore getting back together with them. Be clear and to the point in your message.

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When it comes to matters of the heart, things are rarely simple. Getting back together with an ex isn't the right choice for everyone, and it's almost never easy — but if both people are committed to making things work, it's also not impossible.

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Even if you have no interest in rekindling your romance, mending old wounds and getting closure with an ex is still worthwhile: it can help your heart heal, and help you grow as a person. That way, when you're in a relationship in the future, you'll be the best version of yourself possible — with lots more love to give. By Laken Howard.

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